Making friends as an adult is weird. It’s kind of like dating, but with less wine and more awkward small talk about hobbies. I’ve been making a real effort to put myself out there lately—joining group events, walking into rooms full of strangers, and basically coaching myself with, “Okay Marie, you’re here to find your people, not bolt for the door.” And honestly? It takes guts.
One thing I’ve noticed, especially among women, is how often social anxiety sneaks in and convinces us not to go. I’ve seen it happen so many times: someone RSVPs, gets dressed, maybe even drives all the way to the event… then sits in the parking lot and drives home. Or they’ll walk in, scan the room, and leave before things even start. And I get it—our brains can be master storytellers, spinning lines like “Everyone already knows each other. You’re going to say something awkward. You should probably just go home and order nachos instead.”
Here’s the thing, though: showing up is usually the hardest part. Once you’re there, once the event actually starts, it’s almost never as scary as the pep rally of doom in your head beforehand.
And trust me, I’m not saying this like I’m immune to it. I’ve had plenty of nights where I wanted to hide in my car or fake an emergency just to avoid walking inside. But I’ve kept pushing myself through that discomfort, because I know what’s on the other side: connection. Sometimes it’s a new friend. Sometimes it’s just a fun conversation with someone I wouldn’t have met otherwise. Either way, it’s always better than the regret of not even trying.
So here’s my pep talk for anyone struggling with the pre-event panic spiral: you don’t have to conquer your anxiety before you go. Bring it with you. Let it ride shotgun. Just don’t let it drive the car. Because odds are, someone else in that room feels the exact same way—and they’ll be so glad you showed up.
Making friends as an adult doesn’t just fall into your lap. It comes from awkward hellos, brave moments, and showing up even when you’d rather be home in pajamas. But when you push through? That’s where the magic happens.
So next time you’re tempted to bail, remind yourself: you don’t need to be the life of the party. You just need to walk through the door. The rest will figure itself out.